silent cry

i never even complained when i wasnt allowed to hold ur hands when we liked each other for d first 8 months. only reason being was because u never liked holding hands at that point...

never in my life, would i ever imagined i would date some1 ur age. not only that, i never tot i would hold on to this..

It was my choice, only cos u wanted it this way first.

It was never how i want it to end, it does only because of you.

i learned how to fold stars for u. haha.

and i've learned how to love some1 so much, only through u.. thanks for being able to be part of my life until now.

The Masks in Our Lives

"who do you think you're fooling?"

that was the title of our cg lesson today. Many points in our lives, whether it has yet or had never happened, we ought to face this difficulty. wat is the problem? you ask. its the difficulty of showing our true selves, usually.

i apologise for my lack of vocabulary this time. i dunno i jus cant find d words to express this deep topic. but anyway, when was the las time u tell urself to keep an image where u wan ppl to be able to connect, talk, feel comfortable with u, until u havta upkeep ur behaviour or "image" till at a certain point in ur life u have forgotten who u reli because of u havent been yourself? i believe, honestly, that many of us are like that. it may not be most, but many.

we dont wanna disappoint others. we dont wanna let others down. we dont wanna show to them that we are angry, nor we are sad. those character that do not suit who they think we are are kept aside and put away just so that others might not have another impression of us. like some, negativity cant be there cos they are considered as "cool" ppl. and so, ultimately as undeniable as it can be they do not want to disappoint themselves by losing their friends

we put on a mask, only to get acceptance by others to keep that friendship alive. but how long can we do that? how long can we fake ourselves to others? how long can we keep this game until we finally unleash the bomb in ourselves?

a fren of mine once said that its not good because u wouldnt noe wat lies beyond that point when u show ur true colors; u might even missed out some things ull never get to enjoy if u hadnt shown others who u reli are. i think she's indeed correct.

many of us, including myself, have been tryin to wear tat mask for so long we do not even know how it feels like to take it off. with so many things that has happened to my life and so many drastic changes and things that has happened, ive forgotten how is it like to be myself and treat others the way i want without having to think in case of any misunderstanding that might happen. ive already forgotten how much i wanna do things that i would reli like to do. we're so caught up with keeping our images we neglect that deeper true self and everything vanishes in the end.

im kinda lost right now. even the essay that im writing right now its so messy. all d points are jumpin from here and there. its so hard to explain this,but taking off the mask is important. in fact, theres no point hiding our true nature to others because in d end, if we fake our character, we're faking that friendship. and God can tell that we are. not only that, if we did show our character, mayb things would get better and life would even be greater than wat it is right now...

ok im lost for words...

signing off